Thursday, September 3, 2009

Disappointed with God

I wonder sometimes if I’m disappointed with God. It’s not an outward shaking of my fist, “God, I’m disappointed with you.” No, it’s more of a quiet, inner gnawing where my thoughts drift to God’s intentions for me. God, are you really guiding me?

I know he loves me. I don’t question that. But, I wonder at times if he is really guiding my steps and ordering my path in life. Is he really moving me to the place where I need to be in life? Is this “Journey with God” my leading or his?

For some, this is not a big issue, but there is within me this deep need to walk with purpose in life. One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 9:26, “I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step.” I know it’s God’s desire for me to walk with purpose, but the harder I press in to really understand this, the quieter heaven becomes, or so it seems.

I find myself disappointed. I spent the past month pressing into God to hear what he has planned for me this year. At first, I was disappointed at myself for not having sought God enough. Then, that underlying gnawing started to arise in me. God, you’re all powerful and all knowing. Surely, you can make my purpose known to me. That’s not a hard thing. I know it’s what you want. Nothing. Then, the disappointment started.

Lately, I’ve been talking to some people about the promises of God. One lady in particular has been waiting years for an answered prayer. I can hear in her words how the passing of years have become terribly discouraging. Her soul is wounded and bleeding, unhealed. It manifests in tears and unspoken disappointment.

Maybe you are disappointed with God. I know there are times that I’ve been disappointed. How do you respond?

First, God knows everything. He knows your thoughts. He created your inmost being. He knows you better than you know yourself. Maybe you’re disappointed and haven’t really admitted it to God. Maybe you’re afraid to admit it. Don’t be. God wants us to talk to him in all honesty. We must worship him in spirit and it truth. So, be honest with him. Or at least, be willing to be honest. Tell him how you really feel.

Next, let God show you if you are disappointed at him. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve stuffed all of this disappointment with God, because “it would be sin to be disappointed with God.” That’s okay—all of our sin has been dealt with on the Cross. Maybe God wants to help you through this disappointment so that this wound can be treated properly and healed. Let him show you. Let him be the Great Physician he is.

I believe there are many believers who have some unspoken disappointment with God. An unanswered prayer. A delayed promise. A difficult situation.

Even deeper, there are some believers who don’t even know or admit that they are disappointed with God. Out of pride or fear or a “religious” upbringing, they won’t admit in their hearts that they are disappointed with God. They bury it, hide it, maybe even numb it so that they don’t have to admit what they think would be a sin.
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