Thursday, February 12, 2015


The corruption of the best things gives rise to the worst. - David Hume

I was going over my previous 100 blogs over the past six years, along with pondering over my compromised psychological situation in the past few weeks; clearly there is an evolution but still a long way to go. Firstly, things that have changed, there seems to be more stability, where I don’t purely write on the drama in my life, and I now avoid character assassinations (lucky you). Secondly, the things that haven’t changed, I am still a control freak, and the inability function outside formal structure cripples my existence.

Coming back to the topic I’d actually like to discuss, the tendency of trying to control absolutely everything in one’s life. Most people would attribute this to an Ego issue but in reality I believe it’s far more deep rooted. Here are some reasons why some people are so controlling:

1) They lost control somewhere in their lives: as human beings we tend to avoid bad situations and go out of our way to prevent them. Losing control in an important phase of life usually triggers the control freak gene. The individual will then try to manage everything to create a net of safety.
2) To feel superior: like more psychological disorders tend to manifest from the desire to be superior, a person who usually feels inferior will tend to overcompensate. ( I don’t belong to this category for sure)
3) Fear of abandonment: Some people are too afraid to be abandoned and that's why they keep others under their control so that they never leave them. The controlling abusive man who does so to his wife is usually a person who is too afraid to be left alone.
4) To prove something: Some people feel weak and so they try to control others in order to feel strong, Some people feel that they are insignificant and so they try to control others to prove that they are worthy while some people feel insecure and so they try to control others to feel safe.

People who feel out of control tend to become controllers. Deep down, they’re afraid of falling apart, so they micromanage to bind anxiety. They might have had chaotic childhoods, alcoholic parents, or experienced early abandonment, making it hard to trust or relinquish control to others, or to a higher power. Some controllers have a machismo drive to be top dog in both business and personal matters--a mask for their feeling of inadequacy and lack of inner power. To assert territorial prowess, they may get right up in your face when they talk. Even if you take a few steps away, they’ll inch forward again into your space. (Source:

One of the reasons that many psychological disorders go undiagnosed irrespective of their severity is the taboo and lack of knowledge. The stigmata the patients have to live with and the unpredictability of the disease. We usually write of the person labeling it a personality flaw, but to understand a controlling person you need to know a little about the background and experiences. So don’t judge anyone without understanding the root of the problem. This however can be applied to numerous real life situations.

This blog post is quite different to my usual style of writing, my blog my rules: p

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