Anvil Crawler

There is a storm brewing inside my head, and there is no place where I can hide. The serenity I found in my solitude, the comfort I found in my thoughts is no more there.  The inability to hold a thought and reach a destination, the plethora of emotions all experienced in a single moment. Seconds feel like hours and minutes like destiny, the voices are getting louder, and fiercer. The anguish is changing to fear, all my love is now brimming with animosity.  

Finding solutions use to be my thing, planning use to be my forte, everything has changed with the blink of an eye, the value you once had for yourself is no longer there. It feels like the “Watch” has stopped but feels like time is still running out.   

The answers are buried deep within the darkness of my thoughts…

Ipotane

Some days are easier than others while on others you feel like you have been placed in the epicenter if a tornado.  When you take the decision to set sail on a journey you often hope for a calm sea, and rarely prepare for a storm.  One of the cruel facts of life is that people will use you and leave you hanging once your worth and diminished. But it’s a part of life I guess, one thing that has never worried me is someone’s progress, and I’m happy that people are eventually moving on.  What bothers me is that people believe for religion and life that intentions will be their redemption.

Words and nothing if not backed up by action. Words distract you but you never forget experiences. And life is nothing but a compilation of experiences that make you what you are. In my case a very bitter person.

I have never bothered about what has happened on the outside, my shortcomings, and my fears. I hate you for destroying my insides. My existence and my livelihood, but you’re not the first and I doubt you will be the last to attack my wall of integrity. I will build up myself from the ruins with foundations that cannot be shaken. Like the phoenix, I will rise from the ashes of my weaker self.

The Ethical Slut and Bigot

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

In an effort to figure out what we need to do, we really have to analyze where we are coming from. History probably does repeat itself, but that just shows that events in the past still influence us in a manner that has a bearing a subconscious level. Like everything including life there is a start, a mid section and the end. You may consider it to be spiral in nature but honestly it is linear. We as human beings have this tendency to complicate things and so we usually find ourselves in a rut.

The disparity between reality and the real world is something that most people don’t really understand. I understand that the whole point of having a fantasy world or living in a parallel universe is because reality in your terms sucks majorly. People for example believe that what they do on facebook has no bearing in the real world, you seem happier on facebook; the pictures are better amazing life. Others well will be the most ethically loyal people in your lives till you check their email, alternative affairs, crushes, dates, and side dishes from Kaybees (read jaybee). Who suffers in all this? The people who are “khula”, whether happy or not you stick to one life partner (there are no second chances leave alone 3rd and 4th) and yes no matter what any doctor says it has absolutely nothing to do with world demographics. Learn to say no (read refusal).

The problems with the “khula” people are that being minorities, we don’t realize that there is a greater responsibility towards upholding values. Stop using oppression as an excuse; I did that till recently but realized what a waste of time it is, people will always do what they want, irrespective of their actions. Pretend to be righteous or carefree and at times confusing the two terms. Doesn’t matter how much you cover yourself up, what matters is what you do with the little you expose. Whether you expose it in reality or virtually, the shit multiples.

My advice, yes I feel I’m totally qualified to give one, keeping it real is sometimes more important than just being happy. I think you have to be careful, when you stand on a bucket that you are not putting yourself up on a pedestal. You have to be careful you don’t make promises to others, don’t accept if desperate and meaning-hungry people offer the gift of themselves up to you. But with that caution in mind, I look forward to the next time. "You don't learn philosophy in the lecture hall. You learn it on the street. The rest is bullshit, and you know it."

Food for thought: a pen (read blog) may not be the strongest tool anymore, but has definitely revolutionized. Let's say you want to overthrow an authoritarian dictatorship. How do you go about it? Obviously your first step would be to set up a Facebook page, because that's what Che Guevara would have done. Then you practice Tweeting in a cloud of tear gas.

Betrayal Part 2

I apologise if I’ve created a minor confusion for my well wishers, this betrayal is not an external one. It’s the worst kind of betrayal the one you commit unto yourself. This person did that and this group screwed me over, is what I’ve been doing for a really long time. But think about it like most people in the world I forgot who I am, what my capabilities are and I let norms of the society control me. It’s hard when you realize the truth make you feel used.

Knowing yourself is a lifelong journey, but if you waste your whole life finding yourself when do you plan to live? You want to know what you’re made up off, find yourself struggling in adversity, and see yourself transcending. The people I hate most in life are people who stall, prolong and agonize everything, when they have the power to change things, they refuse to accept it. A person who takes himself to be a slave to God, will always be a slave to his conscious, a slave to others and will project a slave morality. People who drown themselves in a pool of self pity, it is these kind of people that hinder progress.

Don’t ever feel you need someone to hold you up, or you need to build on these needs of being associated to groups. Not having fun? Doesn’t mean you not cool, and why have fun just to cover up the pain you feel inside, being a part of the solution is never easy, but it is the right thing to do. Your life feels different on you, once you greet death and understand your heart's position. You wear your life like a garment from the mission bundle sale ever after -- lightly because you realize you never paid nothing for it, cherishing because you know you won't ever come by such a bargain again.

And I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution...

Betrayal

I come to meet people from every walk of life and the sad truth is the ones closest are the ones well equipped to screw you. Now why does this happen, well most of the time its cause of a rich blend on ungratefulness paired with an attitude that well stinks, that people posses. Being good to people is like being a goalkeeper no matter how many goals you save they will always remember the one you missed.

Everyday I learn something new, some inadequacies about myself, and usually the people to tell or make me feel it... are part of an esteem bunch of losers. You make people an integral part of your life, give them your mind and soul just to find out they’re throwing themselves at others. For someone who doesn’t do much... my life goes through dramatic changes I mean it seems like there is a long unending line of people waiting to screw me. This world we live in is sadist in nature, it no more about striving and achieving the ultimate that makes you the best; it’s in comparison to others that determine your standing in the world. The things people do to please others the effort and dedication to satisfy them when on the other hand inflicting pain on someone supposedly more important is a piece of cake.

Being alone is not that bad, its being alone and constantly screwed is what gets to you. People with their mediocre thinking really put me down, but it just adds to my arrogance and I have no issues with that. Relationships whether romantic, whether business or just friendships will eventually end, some you expect and come to terms with it, other you only wish will end. Either way, it’s not painful because there always something you can take out of it, if you want, your dignity. People talk about faith, faith comes amidst the realm of shame a shameless person cannot have faith; it’s the same as saying a whore can fall in love. If their business was legitimate, they would deduct a substantial percentage for depreciation of their body.if words mattered i'd be king..